Because - two fateful syllables

The word BECAUSE has fascinated me for some time. It has almost magical power, whether we use it in a way that serves us or in a way that goes against us. BECAUSE can be empowering or disempowering. In any case, the word expresses a reason or justification. It confirms the statement that precedes or follows it.

Here are a couple of examples:

“This is the best product for you.”

“This is not a great product for this purpose.”

The above two statements make us wonder why the product is the best or not great. We’d most likely doubt any of the two statements unless we know the author well enough to completely trust their judgment about this particular product.

And here are the same two statements, followed by BECAUSE:

“This is the best product for you BECAUSE it has the most compatible features.”

“This is not a great product for this purpose BECAUSE its quality is inferior to other products on the market.”

We are now more likely to accept the statement because we’ve been given a reason to accept it.

The same is true of your excuses. Again, let’s look at two examples:

“I am broke.”

“I feel stuck.”

The above two statements are observations. Now, let’s look at what they turn into as soon as we combine them with BECAUSE:

“I am broke BECAUSE I grew up in a poor family.”

“I feel stuck BECAUSE I am always overlooked for promotions.”

Boom! Did you see how quickly an observation turned into an excuse? And what does the excuse turn us into? – A victim! The problem is, victimhood doesn’t allow us to stand in our power. While we’re in victim mode, it’s hard to assume responsibility for our situation, let alone take risks to change it. Meaning, we will probably stay stuck.

We all do this sometimes, right? What’s important is to realize when we do it, catch ourselves and turn our victimhood into responsibility. For example by asking some questions like (you may have heard those before – still valid!): Could I take responsibility? Would I take responsibility? And when? Hopefully your answers will be Yes, yes, and now. Could I take responsibility? Yes. Would I take responsibility? Yes. And when? Now!

By the way, ALWAYS is another one of those words that can make or break our mindset. In one of my examples, I said: “I feel stuck BECAUSE I am ALWAYS overlooked for promotions.” Now that’s the “perfectest” of perfect excuses because I can’t really do anything about ALWAYS being overlooked, right? There’s no other possibility, I’m automatically excluding other options. Why would I want to do that, though?

Just like with the word BECAUSE, there are also beneficial uses of the word ALWAYS, e.g., “Everything is always working out for me.” (You may have heard that phrase before, too, maybe from Abraham Hicks?)

So, be careful with your BECAUSE and your ALWAYS.

Words matter. Our words turn into our reality, especially when we repeat them often.

November 20, 2020

Change – the Most Enriching Thing in Life

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What’s one thing most people resist? – Change.

And what’s the most enriching thing in life? – Change!

Sounds like an oxymoron but if we consider that we are born into a world of unlimited possibilities, with unlimited creative power, on the one hand, and how we are educated into limitation and into believing that we must occupy a predefined place on this planet, fit into a box that’s already waiting here for us to be born into, and that’s been created by others who declared themselves the masters over our lives, those who establish the rules of entire societies, then it’s not surprising that most of us have so much resistance to change. That we are afraid of it.

At school, we’re educated out of our limitlessness and into a way of learning that’s based on repeating what we’re presented with. Learning stuff by heart. Not questioning what we’re supposed to study, let alone choosing it for ourselves. Not thinking for ourselves. Instead, we’re supposed to finish school, step into a career that fits the system and the expectations of those “in charge” (including our families, which for the most part, were also indoctrinated), work our butts off, pay taxes and save for retirement. We are shaped to fit into an existing system, a predefined sequence of school, college, exams, a job, a career, retirement. That’s the general expectation.

So it’s not surprising that we feel pressed into a mold. And if we take into account that humans are creatures of habit, it’s only logical that we quickly get used to it... At least the majority of us. And so... we limit our own growth. We suppress our true potential. We only show what’s requested, what’s desirable for others, or what we perceive as desirable. We show up smaller than we really are. Less powerful than we really are. When this becomes too extreme or too frustrating, people often turn to drugs. Because a life without individuation, the expression of our purpose, of our deepest self, a life deprived of this self-expression becomes frustrating and unsatisfactory. Add to this that for most humans, uncertainty generates anxiety. We tend to be afraid of the unknown. This is related to our survival instincts and mechanisms. And, last but not least, while the status quo isn’t always more comfortable, it’s certainly often more convenient. Because change can be hard. Change usually requires some kind of effort.

Those who are lucky enough to have open-minded parents who guide us along the way, or at least allow us the freedom to choose our own path, even though within the rules of society, which can still feel quite stifling for many of us, those who are lucky enough to have parents like this, may have it easier when it comes to breaking out of certain societal standards. But this doesn’t necessarily mean we love change. We are creatures of habit, after all.

So what’s needed for us to love change?

The love for change requires an adventurous spirit and a solid portion of courage. Those of us who love change, are curious about what else is possible. We are visionary, and we’re not afraid of the unknown... or if we are, we will move ahead and explore new options anyway. Many of us love to travel. We prefer freedom over safety because we know that when we give up freedom for safety, we lose both. But we also know that if we give up freedom, we lose the deepest essence of life itself.

Life is transformation. This transformation is unstoppable. Hence the saying “change is the only constant.” There will always be change. The question is: Can we embrace it? Can we love it and have fun with it? Enjoy the transformation and the growth that comes with change? Or do we resist it and suffer?

Change leads to transformation, and transformation leads to growth. Meaning, change is really the most enriching thing in life.

I personally thrive in change, I thrive in movement. I love dancing, I love long walks and bike rides, I love traveling, and I have moved about 50 times in my life, internationally, intercontinentally, and within the same country or city as well. You could say, I’m a nomad, a free spirit, a gypsy. In fact, I gave up my semi-permanent apartment more than a year ago because I was traveling so much. And while I’m planning to have a permanent home again soon (while continue traveling), it’s not the most important thing in my life. The most important thing remains change, movement, growth, transformation, and the freedom that comes with it.

In fact, all I do through my business and my volunteer work, is in the service of freedom: The freedom for all humans to Speak up, Stand out and Shine, as the title of my book says. And the freedom to live a life of exciting, enriching CHANGE.