Study the art of resting and escape excessive stress or burnout

Resting is still highly undervalued in a society that focuses on materialism, goals, and 24/7 productivity. Our parents taught us (through words or actions) that the only way to be successful and “be of value” was by working really hard. At school we were called lazy when we were caught daydreaming or playing and having fun. We learned that studying and working was supposed to be serious and effortful. We wanted to feel light, but we were told to feel heavy. I my case, I deeply integrated the “work first, fun later” program, which to this day sometimes makes it challenging to take time out for myself in the morning before I dive into my day (which, by the way, is ALWAYS more creative when I don’t skip my morning routine).

Who, then, is surprised that so many of us feel guilty when we take time to rest, time for self? We even forget that resting is essential for top performance and high productivity, and that some of us are literally designed [Human Design – ask me if you’d like to know more about that] to take breaks. I’d be one of them as a Manifestor type, however…

I was brought up by parents who worked 6-7 days/week, with my dad having a full-time job in addition to the farm where I grew up with 4 siblings. I worked during most school holidays from age 14 to buy the “nice extras” like furniture for my room, a record player and other luxury items. Later, during my college time in Munich, I worked two afternoons per week in an office, at department stores and other places during summer breaks, and for a while also cleaning apartments to cover my daily expenses (my parents paid for my rent and car back then). I already had a pretty intense schedule in my early twenties, and I loved to go out, too, student budget permitting.

After completing my BA and a few temporary jobs, I was hired by The Boston Consulting Group (BCG), into a fast-paced consulting work environment, infamous for long hours and non-negotiable deadlines. Two years later, I transferred to BCG Madrid, Spain, where I was soon offered a leadership position.

But it wasn’t enough to have an intense, multi-faceted role, which made me the go-to person for practically anything and anyone in the office; soon, we added office space, so I was now also doing a build-out of an additional floor, and later we remodeled the original space, while at the same time building out and hiring for a brand-new office in Lisbon, Portugal. Soon, I was traveling to Lisbon once a week and was now also responsible for the Lisbon staff and for everything working smoothly at that office. Meaning, I had to fit the rest of my work into four (even longer) days (I did avoid going into the office on weekends as much as possible, and the only ones who had cell phones back then were the Partners, gladly).

Don’t get me wrong: I loved being able to learn Portuguese and the weekly travel experience. And I when possible, I chose to stay an extra night in the beautiful city of Lisbon. Here’s the thing, though: All these extra responsibilities were piled onto my original job description over time, for the same salary, and I somehow thought that was just fine.

But wait, it doesn’t stop here! Because I was proficient in German, English, Portuguese, and French, in addition to speaking the local Spanish, I was also entrusted with translations, which I did “on the side” (mostly on evenings and weekends and of course free of charge). Why? – Probably because I was a huge people pleaser. But also because I was subconsciously programmed to be a hard worker, and my self-worth somehow depended on the amount of work I was able to deliver. Little did I know that I was not “designed” to neglect my inner batteries.

When I wanted to take flamenco classes at 8pm, I often missed them – because I didn’t make it out of the office on time. And I often felt depleted, although I was young enough to make it through long workdays, lots of cigarettes (gladly, I quit smoking over 20 years ago now), and short sleep nights. I’d typically only get sick during my vacation, when my body finally got some time to protest.

And so, the years were flying by without me even noticing. Quickly I’d been in Madrid for seven years, I was over 30 when I moved to my next destination, and time has been speeding up ever since.

I’m sure many of you have similar stories. Because we are conditioned – by what we observed from our parents, but most importantly also through the education system – to believe in hard work being the recipe for success. Until we look around and see that millions of people who’ve been working hard all their lives, sometimes multiple jobs at the same time, are still struggling. The objective of the education system was to make us servants to the system, and this is why so many people are so terribly stressed or even suffer from burnout.

And it’s also why it is so incredibly hard for many of us to rest: We’re afraid to be called lazy when we take a break. We (consciously or subconsciously) believe it’s a sign of weakness. – But it’s not!

Resting is not the same as being weak or lazy!

If you want to stay successful and healthy at the same time, it is imperative for you to find your best way to recharge your energy. What that looks like depends on who you are (again, your Human Design type plays a role), what your physical and emotional needs are, or in a word, how you tick for the purpose of resting. It’s important to figure out what feels good for you! What feels restorative, what gives you energy back…

This may also change over time. For example, I have found that I need more sleep now than I did in my thirties. However, my favorite ways to refuel my body, mind, and spirit have remained the same.

So, for me, resting often means movement… like in dancing, biking, walking, or hiking. Whenever I have lived or traveled in places where this is an option, I take intense dance classes, like Congolese or West African dance, Brazilian Samba, Afro-Cuban, House Dance, and such. I also love social dancing, and I find it serenely delightful to relax into the embrace of great kompa, kizomba or semba dancers. Like, when I used to go to the Long Island kompa events with my favorite Haitian friend, I’d literally lose myself into a parallel world for a night, and nothing else seemed to exist. This is what I call truly disconnecting.

Dancing has a hugely restorative effect on me, probably because it gives me so much joy, it’s a great way to express myself nonverbally, it releases oxytocin (the love hormone), and it raises my vibration.

When there’s no option to dance (except with myself… less fun), I compensate with bike rides or long walks. Like when I lived in Miami Beach or spent a few months back home in Bavaria in 2020, I took almost daily evening bike rides (riding as fast as my bike would let me), and longer ones on the weekends. You can’t imagine how often I got back home completely soaked by the tropical rain in Miami! Also great were the outdoors yoga classes under the palm trees there, and of course, Bavaria is both a biker’s and hiker’s paradise.  

While I do need enough recovery sleep or a foot-pain relieving Epsom salt after all the walking and dancing, lying on the sofa isn’t usually the most effective way for me to recharge my batteries, except after I had enough movement. (Who would have thought that back in school, when I hated physical education classes for the most part… because again, they were not right for me. There was no dance or biking, and I was meant to find my own preferred exercise.)

To you, resting may look completely different. You may thrive on reading a good book on your couch. Or you may opt for meditating (I do that, too, but it’s not my only thing), or, like some of my friends, you may prefer to lie on your bed staring at the ceiling, while listening to your favorite music, to solfeggio frequencies or singing bowls.

Maybe it's a specific breathing technique that restores your energy. I personally love Wim Hof breathing, though I usually practice it in the morning before I get out of bed rather than to recover later in the day; it works for both purposes.

What’s vital to get real rest is that we find what works best for us to be present in the moment and for ourselves. As with everything self-care, we gotta find what’s right for us. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. We are all unique, and we have unique needs.

What kind of rest is right for you?

So, it is my intention with this article to inspire you to respect yourself and respect your specific needs for resting. Remember to rest consistently. That’s how you can keep your stress at bay and protect yourself from burnout; it’s how you stay healthy, fit, and productive.

It’s also how you stay or become aware of whether what you do professionally is still right for you. (Many people are too busy to even reflect on this; doing work that’s not aligned with our calling or values is one of the prevailing reasons for extra stress that can lead to burnout.)

When you master the art of resting, you can perform at your best – sustainably, and life becomes more enjoyable. You will find that you are in greater integrity with self, and it becomes easier to be present in the moment, where the power is.

And if you want some extra support beyond this article with deconditioning yourself from workaholic tendences, having a need to prove yourself by working endless hours, the feeling of guilt while resting, or if you just want to learn how to disconnect more easily, DM me and we’ll find a time to chat.