Self-love is at the root of all sustainable, good-feeling success

You may be thinking: “I thought this newsletter was about career strategies and leadership?” – Well, yes! And… everything in your life is connected.

I am guessing that if you want a successful career, this includes things like recognition, prosperity, impact, fulfillment, and happiness. We don’t want success just for the sake of it. We want the good feelings that come with it.

Unless you define success only as in money and job titles (which I am assuming you don’t), sustainable good-feeling success is only possible if you practice a good amount of self-love.

Why is that?

Because self-love is the foundation for self-worth, self-esteem, self-care, self-respect, setting boundaries, compassion, and other important aspects of success. And it flows into the energy you emanate, which co-determines your business and leader presence.

Self-worth:

The degree to which you love yourself influences how worthy you feel of success. How would you be able to fully embrace your own worth and value if you don’t love yourself? This is related to your unique brilliance and genius (we all have it!), but it’s also about your innate worth as a human (spiritual) being.

The questions to ask yourself are:

·        What constitutes my worth?

·        Do I feel worthy of success?

·        What determines my worthiness?

Self-esteem:

The esteem you have for yourself depends on your self-worth. Once you have recognized your own worth and worthiness, it becomes easier to hold yourself in high esteem.

Here are some questions to ponder on:

·        Do I look up to others but not myself? Why?

·        Do I feel “less than” because of my experiences and challenges?

·        Do I honor myself for all the great talents, skills, and capabilities I bring to the table?

Self-respect:

Self-respect has many faces. I have learned that when I am not respected, there is always a lesson in this experience for me. I ask myself where I do not respect myself. Of course, there are also painful experiences where the root of disrespect may be different.

Reflect on these questions:

·        Do I act or think like a victim?

·        Do others disrespect me? What could be the message in this behavior for my respect for self?

Self-care:

We could say self-care is an integral part of self-respect. It’s only logical that you take care of yourself when you respect yourself, isn’t it?

·        Am I taking good care of myself? If not, what can I do to take better care of myself?

·        What are some of my own important or urgent needs (or just desires) I may want to attend to?

·        Do I need to schedule more rest, fun, physical activity, time for self in my life?

Boundaries:

If you feel a constant need to prove yourself because of a lack of self-love or self-esteem, it’s hard to set boundaries. You may find yourself taking on too many tasks, putting too much on you plate that really doesn’t serve your success or your growth, and often feeling stressed and anxious. When you love yourself on a deep level, you will not allow this to happen.

Some key questions to answer are:

·        Do I say “yes” to often without wanting to?

·        How can I best discern what requests and opportunities to say “yes” and “no” to?

·        How can I find the assertiveness to stand up for myself more?

Energy/Presence:

We are all participating in continuous energy exchange, whether we are aware of this or not. The energy you emanate is impacted by whether you love yourself or not, and to what extent.

Your energy fuels everything you think, feel, say, and do. It flows into your words, body language, actions, and your business presence. It determines how you show up. And isn’t that what presence is all about?

Ask yourself:

·        Do I like my own energy?

·        What can I do to increase the quality of my energy?

·        What are some tools I can use when I feel a need? (Check out my book Speak up, Stand out and Shine on Amazon if you need specific guidance through simple tools for this.)

Self-compassion:

Compassion is a coveted leadership trait. Because it implies understanding and caring for others. When we practice compassion, we often forget to include ourselves.  Just like leadership starts with self, compassion starts with self. When we have mastered self-compassion (which has a great deal to do with self-awareness), we will find it easier to find it for others (understanding them better because we understand ourselves better).

Think about this (or feel into it):

·        Are you judging yourself too harshly?

·        Could you be easier on yourself?

·        Why do you deserve compassion?

Self-confidence:

When you love yourself more, your confidence grows. Consider this: When you’re madly in love with another person, doesn’t that make her/him incredibly attractive to you? In your mind, you put that person on a pedestal so you can adore him/her even more. Now switch roles and sneak into “the adored one.” Doesn’t that feel great? Does it make you feel more confident?

So I’m asking you:

·        Could you feel this confident more often?

·        What’s great about you?  (Make a list!)

·        What keeps you from feeling you confident? Would loving yourself more help?

Now, I have some general questions:

If your boss, colleague, team mate loved themselves more,…

·        would they be more likeable and more fun to work with?

·        would this potentially avoid conflict and stress for the entire team?

·        would they positively impact the work environment?

Can you now see why self-love is at the root of all sustainable good-feeling success?