How to master your presence in meetings & negotiations and get what you wan
Have you ever been in a negotiation or an important meeting and thought “darn, I could have done a better job” and gotten frustrated with yourself? Think about that time and what you did to set yourself up for success in that meeting. – Did you really prepare optimally?
You probably knew what you wanted. You likely had your arguments and numbers ready. Maybe you even thought about all possible objections to your requests and came up with ways to respond to them. That’s awesome! But in many cases, it’s not enough.
How you show up makes a difference, and it’s often the decisive factor of whether you get buy-in for your proposal or not; it can make or break a deal.
Showing up powerfully is about many things: your appearance, your presence, your confidence, etc. In a nutshell, we could say you need to prepare mentally, physically, and energetically. So let’s dissect this!
How to prime yourself for successful meetings:
Prepare your content so you know what to say or ask for. Unless you attend a meeting merely for the purpose of listening and learning, it’s obvious that you want to make a meaningful contribution. In most cases, this requires preparing numbers, talking points, arguments, reports, facts, etc.
If you’re planning to negotiate for better terms or a raise, then you will need to be able to ask for these terms or a specific number without hesitation; to make your case firmly and assertively. What helps is to write a mini-script with the first one or two sentences you start the meeting with. This will enable you to set the tone of the conversation and confidently move through the rest of the meeting. You may also want to add some key phrases you want to use during the meeting.
In the case of a salary increase, practice saying your ideal number in front of a mirror and do this until you absolutely own it.
Pick an outfit that fits the occasion and that makes you feel confident and radiant. Your outfit should be appropriate for the meeting, while respecting your authentic style. Stay away from uncomfortable clothes and shoes because your discomfort will not only distract you; it will also be transmitted to your meeting partners. Having said that, if you feel more confident in heels, go for them; just pick a pair that doesn’t kill your feet.
If you often feel invisible in group meetings, maybe move away from colors like gray or black. In an online meeting, where it’s even harder to grab people’s attention and make your voice heard, it may make sense to wear a color that stands out from your background and thus makes you more visible. (Oh, and yes, a decent background and great lighting add to a compelling presence.) Always be camera-ready and show yourself in the best light.
Are you currently looking to get a promotion? Then dress the role you want – in all meetings!
Set a clear intention for the meeting. What do you want to get out of the meeting? – Examples of intentions could be to get buy-in for a project or an idea, to get a promotion or raise, or just to gain visibility with the decision-makers in your organization. Whatever it is for you, always set a clear intention. What do you want to walk away with from the meeting?
While you want to cultivate positive expectations for your desired outcome, at the same time don’t get attached to a specific result, or you may get disappointed. Just do your best. The rest is none of your business. There is always an outcome, and in some cases it’s a lesson… growth.
Also, if you can’t identify an intention, don’t attend. You don’t have time to waste, do you?
Rehearse mentally to increase your chances of success. Especially when a lot is at stake, you want to take time to rehearse in your mind. You visualize a positive flow of your meeting, including potential objections or whatever might be of relevance. It’s literally like playing a move in your mind – a mind movie. The most successful athletes have used visualization techniques for many decades. They train physically and “virtually,” and they see themselves winning. If it’s worked for them, why should it not work for you?
Repeat positive statements, like affirmations or empowering “what if?” questions. If you feel intimidated in any way, for example by the topic, by specific meeting participants or by the meeting format, affirm to yourself that you can absolutely do this. Help yourself believe that you are equipped with all the necessary intelligence, talents, and skills to achieve a positive meeting outcome for yourself. Say to yourself: “I’ve got this. I am competent and there’s nothing that’s too big for me.” Or “What if I could make a really awesome impression in this meeting?” This will help you feel more confident. If you are extremely nervous for any reason, start by asking yourself: “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” – It’s usually not that serious. Just start playing with your specific situation, and I’m sure you’ll find the best approach for yourself.
Prepare physically to ground yourself. Sounds strange? Well, your physical appearance is what your meeting partners see, except if it’s an audio-only meeting. But even then, your physical presence has an impact because it’s closely tied to your energetic presence (more about that below).
Another reason you want to prepare physically is to increase your ability to focus. That’s because it brings you into the present moment and grounds you. One way of doing this is to contract and release individual muscle groups in your body, with our eyes closed. Simple! (Simple is good.)
Prepare energetically to increase your visibility. Energy is something we hardly ever talk about in business. And yet, preparing energetically can make a huge difference for you to be noticed and allowed to speak up when you choose to. Because when you do, it doesn’t only help you raise your confidence. It also enhances your presence and how others perceive you. It makes you more visible. But here comes the most important part: People want to listen to those they trust.
You may have heard that you have seven seconds to make a first impression. But what you haven’t been told is that it takes only 0.07 seconds for our brains to figure out whether we can trust someone. That’s about the quality of our energy! Your energy speaks faster and louder than your words. And that’s exactly why building up a compelling energy gives you an edge in meetings.
For starters, take a few moments to sit in a relaxed position with your feet firmly planted on the floor. Close your eyes, breathe deeply into your belly and feel how your energy changes through this deep breathing. So simple! Of course, there are more intricate, yet also quick ways which have an even bigger impact on your confidence and perceived presence. Some of them you can find in my book Speak up, Stand out and Shine (Amazon), where I share many tools and techniques to prepare mentally, physically, and energetically. I invite you to check it out.
When it comes to meetings and negotiations, my motto is: Always be optimally prepared and do your best. It’s all you can do. It’s not your job to control others; you may, however, influence them through your confident, compelling presence (what we often call charisma) and of course, through your competence, wisdom and knowledge.
What’s also essential is to enjoy the experience. No meeting is a waste of time unless the intention is missing. In some cases, your intention may just be to learn or to listen for new knowledge. See, the result is never guaranteed, but there is always an outcome.